i want to leave the things familiar
detour from this ordinary life
touch the ground that's off the beaten path
discover my maker's route

let go of this map of my own creation
follow blindly where he leads
see the world through his eyes
and remove the scales placed
by my own expectations

take off this yoke of my own doing
don those heavenly wings
to soar and rise to new heights
heights that i've never seen

release me now from this leash
this tether placed by duty
unlock the door
and let the light shine through
even if it threatens to blind me

i long for heavenly things
those mysteriously divine muses
which words cannot fully contain
nor imagination encompass completely

sing to me your celestial songs
stir in me your haunting prose
speak oh voice of majesty
tell me your story once more

let your words rip through me
tear me apart with your grace
crack this thick, calloused skin
and seep into me deeply

piece me together as you will
and though you know i'll fight it
rewrap this package
cover it with your grace

let me ne'er forget
that your hand has always been nigh
pushing and prodding
leading me to this path i've yet to see

oh beacon of hope
oh hope of glory and life
lead me on
and guide me through your unfamiliar

this tapestry of mine is coming undone
unraveling as i try to hold on
it's tearing at the seams
these present circumstances unforeseen
pangs of panic and self-doubt
crying tears as i throw punches in the dark
i'm lost and confused
finding no hope to choose
in a state of disarray
as i watch these days, these nights slip away
people coming at me with their notions of wisdom
can't lash out, strangled by all their commotion
dreams of running flood my mind
packing up, fleeing to find
a private solace, a refuge
a life that is mine where i can choose
to be who i know is fighting to break free
to be who i am, the woman inside of me
but i am stuck now here in this mire
in this place where responsibility and duty conspire
and as i watch life pass, move on frame by frame
i'm finding myself having to push pause again
deep inside me there's a longing for something more
knowing that there's more than what i have to live for
somewhere out there in that unseen territory
under the vast expanse where stars shine so freely
there is a man, a life, a home awaiting
there is a faith and hope that is calling
a great artist whom no one has seen
anonymous in frame save for his glory
that spreads like waves over everything
each whisper of the wind and lark's sweet notes sing
with masterful hands and artistic flare
he paints the skies in colors bold and fair
and he grabs hold now of these unraveling threads
reweaving them to mirror the masterpiece in his head
wiping away all my ideas and what i thought best
his hands work gently wanting me to let go of the rest
but still in my foolishness i can't seem to comply
fearing the pain, remembering the times i'd have rather died
and yet he tells me with a voice so lovely:
"annie, you must be broken if you want to be free"
and though i know what he says is true
it's hard to bid what i have made adieu
and as he looks at me with undeserved kindness
i find myself safe in his sweet caress
and no matter how much i try and fight it
i will forever be in his grace-filled grip
he will do what he must to make me see
that it's in him i should trust, and not in me
it's a hard lesson for one so stubborn
to find joy in suffering and in my being reborn
into a family, a heavenly fold
my life from death purchased, to christ is sold
a poet once said that he would hold onto jesus
charged to let go of the reigns, to simply trust
if ever we are to feel whole once again
we must entrust this life in the creator's hands
and now i will let him take this life so worn and frayed
to now and forever be changed by his grace
help me, lord, your grace to empower
to let this your life in me burgeon and flower
trembling before you with heart so heavy
i offer you this brokeness that is within me
and so, i must remind myself of this very thing
to let go of this tapestry and give him everything

i've heard your voice calling out
from the day of my creation
it was muffled though
deadened by my innate transgressions
sins of a father and of a mother, too
sins of a fallen world encroaching
threatening to break through
and yet you remind me that i am saved,
i am made new

i am clean you say -
your blood - like water - rinsing me pure
but my heart can't wrap itself around it
too many sins and mistakes i'm sure
i will be ashamedly candid
and wonder how it could be
that love would come
so swift, so softly
yet still so powerful to save me

can i really unload this guilt upon you?
receive your blood and body broken?
my mind races.
why would you?
how could you?
save a wretch like me

yet i will praise you, my saviour, my Lord
for it's from infinite grace you've spoken
and from the depths of myself
you have saved me
restored this thread-bare soul
lifted me up from this oppression

and i am new

the ties that bind.

random acts of kindness
to one so seemingly undeserving
sporatic acquaintances met
momentous encounters with grace
a smile here, a consoling, understanding glance there
sacrifice and the gift of time
frendships forged where there is no rhyme nor reason
arriving in season, it was instantaneous
burgeoning as if by chance
joined in shared interests
holding close to His sacred romance
dreams collide
as if notes being played
in a beautiful masterpiece
yet to be composed
faith we hold onto
and dreams we let fly
laughter, a release
from the dark day gone by