this tapestry of mine is coming undone
unraveling as i try to hold on
it's tearing at the seams
these present circumstances unforeseen
pangs of panic and self-doubt
crying tears as i throw punches in the dark
i'm lost and confused
finding no hope to choose
in a state of disarray
as i watch these days, these nights slip away
people coming at me with their notions of wisdom
can't lash out, strangled by all their commotion
dreams of running flood my mind
packing up, fleeing to find
a private solace, a refuge
a life that is mine where i can choose
to be who i know is fighting to break free
to be who i am, the woman inside of me
but i am stuck now here in this mire
in this place where responsibility and duty conspire
and as i watch life pass, move on frame by frame
i'm finding myself having to push pause again
deep inside me there's a longing for something more
knowing that there's more than what i have to live for
somewhere out there in that unseen territory
under the vast expanse where stars shine so freely
there is a man, a life, a home awaiting
there is a faith and hope that is calling
a great artist whom no one has seen
anonymous in frame save for his glory
that spreads like waves over everything
each whisper of the wind and lark's sweet notes sing
with masterful hands and artistic flare
he paints the skies in colors bold and fair
and he grabs hold now of these unraveling threads
reweaving them to mirror the masterpiece in his head
wiping away all my ideas and what i thought best
his hands work gently wanting me to let go of the rest
but still in my foolishness i can't seem to comply
fearing the pain, remembering the times i'd have rather died
and yet he tells me with a voice so lovely:
"annie, you must be broken if you want to be free"
and though i know what he says is true
it's hard to bid what i have made adieu
and as he looks at me with undeserved kindness
i find myself safe in his sweet caress
and no matter how much i try and fight it
i will forever be in his grace-filled grip
he will do what he must to make me see
that it's in him i should trust, and not in me
it's a hard lesson for one so stubborn
to find joy in suffering and in my being reborn
into a family, a heavenly fold
my life from death purchased, to christ is sold
a poet once said that he would hold onto jesus
charged to let go of the reigns, to simply trust
if ever we are to feel whole once again
we must entrust this life in the creator's hands
and now i will let him take this life so worn and frayed
to now and forever be changed by his grace
help me, lord, your grace to empower
to let this your life in me burgeon and flower
trembling before you with heart so heavy
i offer you this brokeness that is within me
and so, i must remind myself of this very thing
to let go of this tapestry and give him everything